my therapy has been about boosting self-confidence lately. we have not explicitly said that that is what the therapy is about, but it is.
stopping to think: what is my feeling? what would be an action i could take with that feeling?
i haven’t done anything with it. and i’ve thought about it and thought about it.
I find it very difficult to be alive. I’m surprised I’m still alive. I’m glad I’m not dead, though.
It’s ridiculous. I’m so privileged. Not that that has anything to do with suicidality or suicidal thoughts — which I’m not having right now. My darkness just wears me down.
I don’t trust myself. I don’t trust my intentions and I don’t trust my actions. I just want things to feel right and to be overall less difficult. I don’t feel well. I really don’t.
I wish there was some sort of rescue service I could call up where they could come to me on land in a boat silently and only visible to me. I don’t need pomp and circumstance, I just need rescue. And they could take their invisible hands and put them on my inevitable heart, pump, pump pump.
I just want to feel here. And like I’m on the path. Not the way it has been for the first twenty six years of my life. My life. I’m lucky to be surrounded by so many lovely people day in and day out but really I am so incredibly tired of the way i’ve been living life. Life life life life life. What the fuck is life?
What the fuck is any of this? Where am I? *sighs, exhales slowly, looks up at ceiling for a beat and looks back at computer* ugh.
You’re permanently derailed. It’s through discipline and tremendous disappointment and failure that you arrive at what it is you must paint.
For months, the first paintings don’t mean anything — nothing. But you have to keep going, despite all kinds of disappointments.
Tattoo based on Frida Kahlo painting!!thanks Paola!
#tattoo #tattoos #traditionaltattoos #fridakahlo #fridakahlotattoo #portugal #parede #lisboa #lisbon #cascais #lisboatattoo #pedrosantostattooer #vintagedaggerstattoo (at Vintage Daggers Tattoo)