Soooo. I’m reading a book about countertherapeutic behaviors/resistance in therapy.
Check, check. No wonder it hasn’t worked for me so far.
What am I holding on to that is causing me to treat this therapy this particular way?
Do I believe that not changing will improve my life? What should I be aiming for?
This is the best—and only—way to avoid answering questions.
I am tired! of life. Very much.
There is no true solution, it appears.
Energy? What’s that? What does passion mean?
What is this?
It sounds like sleeping is preferable to anything at this point.
But then again, that would involve making a choice: those of which I am incapable of making.
Agency can be strange, twisted, caught up in things, passive, or exhausted. Not the way we like to think about it. Not usually a simple projection toward a future.
It’s what we mean by “having a life” (as in “get a life”). But it’s caught up in things. Circuits, bodies, moves, connections. It takes unpredictable and counterintuitive forms. It’s lived through a series of dilemmas: that action is always reaction; that the potential to act always includes the potential to be acted on, or to submit; that the move to gather a self to act is also a move to lose the self; that one choice precludes others; that actions can have unintended and disastrous consequences; and that all agency is frustrated and unstable and attracted to the potential in things.
It’s not really about willpower but rather something much more complicated and rooted in things.